After good two decades in a relationship and many years leading teams in businesses, I've noticed that many things apply equally to both worlds.

These aren't theories, they are lived observations. Things that have shown up again and again, whether I’m navigating a moment with my wife or guiding a team through a challenge.

Here are 11 points I’ve experienced first-hand that hold true in both long-term relationships and leadership:

1. You’re not supposed to know it all. 

This is such a common misconception; that when you’re in a relationship or leading a team, you're supposed to have all the answers. But in reality, you usually don’t. And that’s okay.

What matters is creating the environment so you can figure things out, together. That mindset shifts you from pressure to partnership. Trying to act like you know everything only builds distance. 

2. You trust you’ll figure it out. Together.

Trust doesn’t come from theory. It’s built over time, through repeated experiences.

In a relationship, that means learning that no matter what happens, you’ll face it side by side. I’ve seen this time and again with my wife. It’s not about some magical belief that everything will always be fine. It’s the result of living through enough challenges together that you know: we will find a way.

And in leadership, it’s the same. The team starts to feel, “We’ve been through stuff before. We’ll get through this, too.” That trust isn’t automatic—it’s earned. Through action. Through presence. Through consistency.

3. Listening comes before fixing. Always.

I used to be a solution machine.

As soon as my wife shared something, I was already fixing it in my head, listing options, solving the problem. And she said to me—I remember this clearly—she said, “Look, I just want you to listen.” That stuck with me. Because the moment she said that, I realized how much I was missing. I was offering answers to questions she wasn’t asking.

And this shows up everywhere in leadership, too. You think you’re being helpful. But people don’t always need your fix. They need your presence. They need someone to listen. Often, when they feel heard, they find the solution themselves.

4. You make a commitment. 

Commitment is tested in the hard moments. When things go wrong. When things get messy. That’s when it matters most. Anyone can say they’re committed. But will you stay when the energy is low, when the air is heavy, when things are unclear?

In long-term relationships, you learn that commitment is not just the initial promise. It’s the ongoing decision to be there, again and again.

And in leadership, it’s the same. You don’t walk away when things fall apart. You stay. That’s when people see what you’re made of. That’s when trust and respect are scoring double points.

5. You don’t demand. You show.

You don’t lead by telling people what to do. You lead by showing. Over the years, I shifted from being more demanding to leading by example. If you want someone to behave a certain way, the first thing you do is check if you're doing it yourself. Because people like to follow what they see.

It’s the same with my wife. If I want respect, I show it. If I want honesty, I live it. This is true in relationships and teams alike. People are more prone to follow behavior then instruction.

6. You seek to understand—not to win arguments.

I've noticed that often, when there’s disagreement, our instinct is to win. To be right. But the longer I’ve been in this relationship, the more I see that trying to win is the wrong goal. When you aim to understand instead, the whole energy changes. You tell your ego to back off. You ask more questions. And then connection becomes possible again.

The same thing applies in leadership. When you’re trying to win the argument, you’re not listening. But when you aim to understand, you’re creating space for real collaboration.

7. When you're off your game, they’ve got your back.

This one is big. Because there will be times when you’re not at your best. And in a strong relationship, that’s okay. Because the other person steps in. There were moments when I was off, when I didn’t have the capacity or clarity—and my wife was there. Fully. Without blame. Because she’s seen me doing that for her. That mutual support is foundational.

The same is true in leadership. A good team will have your back, because they know you’ve got theirs. That shared commitment builds real safety.

8. You don’t sweep problems under the rug.

At some point, I tried doing that. Avoiding conflict. Thinking, “This will pass. It’s not a big deal.” But it never helped. Because things don’t disappear. They build up. And the longer you wait, the more damage they do.

Now, in our relationship, we try to address things early. Before they grow. It’s not about blaming. It’s about protecting the connection.

In leadership, the same logic applies. Don’t let issues fester. Tackle them when they’re small. I once heard a saying: "Stupid in small things, stupid in big things." You deal with tension directly, with care.

9. You talk. About everything.

That includes the hard stuff. The painful stuff. The things that are easy to avoid. You talk. Because the moment you stop talking, things start drifting. In our relationship, we’ve made a commitment to talk about all of it: fears, goals, frustrations, desires... Not always perfectly, but openly. And that keeps the connection alive. I

t’s the same in leadership. If you’re not talking, really talking, your team is guessing. And you are guessing. And guessing creates distance.

10. You’re brutally honest.

Being honest isn’t about being rude. It’s about caring enough to say the hard thing. Even if it’s inconvenient. Even if it causes short-term discomfort. Because you know that long-term clarity and comfort come from truth.

In our relationship, we’ve practiced this. Saying the things that aren’t easy to say. And every time, it’s brought more trust.

The same is true for leadership. If you hide the truth to keep people comfortable - or even worse - protected, it will backfire. Say it kindly. But say it.

11. You have fun. Spontaneous and scheduled.

Of course, spontaneous fun is amazing. It happens in the moment, and it’s beautiful. But the longer you’re in a relationship, or the longer a team is together, the more important scheduled fun becomes.

It’s the kind of fun that’s planned just to change the environment, to step out of the daily routine, and to do something just for the joy of it.

Maybe it’s every second Tuesday of the month. Maybe it’s a surprise activity. Maybe it’s just saying, "Hey, today for one hour, let’s do something you haven’t done in a long time." 

And the same applies to your team. It doesn’t need to be grand. But it needs to be intentional. Fun recharges relationships. It recharges teams, too.

At the end of the day, what matters most?

a) Shared vision. As a couple, you need to have the same vision. Whether that’s having one child, two children, a bigger family, buying a home, traveling the world, building a business... The vision has to be aligned.

In a team, it might be achieving a certain market share, or launching a product or service that’s never been launched before. Whatever it is, the vision has to be shared.

b) Shared values. Because values determine behavior. Behavior determines action. And action determines results. So values have to be aligned—and lived.

c) Execution. Without execution on your vision and your values, nothing happens. If you’re not living your values, there’s going to be tension, negative energy, and that will show up in the results. If you’re not executing on your vision, then it will never feel complete, and certainly not successful. Execution turns alignment into achievement.

 d) The culture, the way you treat each other; it’s what shows up every day, and it’s what holds everything else in place.

 e) Diversity in everything else. It’s crucial that each person in the relationship, or on the team, has their own space. Their own interests. Their own joy.

You don’t need to do everything together. In fact, you shouldn’t. When each person has a life of their own, they bring fresh experiences, new perspectives, and more energy back into the relationship. It makes the whole thing richer.

And with teams, it’s the same. Different points of view create stronger outcomes.

 Together. To get there.

At the end of the day, you are a couple to reach certain things. To build a life. A home. A family. A company...

And as a team, you’re also together to accomplish something. To create a service or a product that truly helps people. To make a mark. To build something meaningful...

That "there" will look different for everyone. But the principle is the same: you are together. To get there.